Finding Out...

That I was pregnant on October 28th, 2011.... was totally exciting and I couldn't wait for Chris to get home and to tell him!!!! But, immediately after the shock and excitement, all my fears and concerns came flooding back.

Not sure how many people know but this is technically my 4th pregnancy overall but only my second 'viable' pregnancy. I had one miscarriage going into my 12th week (baby stopped growing around 8 weeks) before getting pregnant with Piper. And this pass January I had another miscarriage at 8week (baby stopped growing around 5-6weeks)... both miscarriage started the same way but were completely different. One was harder physically (2months) and the second was done and over with a week and that was harder on me emotionally.

I knew that I wanted to have another baby because I didn't want Piper to be alone but I was hesitant...and Chris was great and patient and my family was a great way of support. As the months, went on I could tell people were just waiting for me to say I was pregnant again but I kept stating that I was taking my time and I wasn't rushing it. That we would start trying or being more 'proactive' starting in the fall around October.

I must say every time I've set my mind and wanted to be pregnant, I've always gotten pregnant within the first 3 months... and voilà I got pregnant in October... I didn't think I was going to get pregnant that fast...so we won't get into how proud Chris is about his super sperm... lol....

I have been sick (back on diclentin) and I've been really tired and I had such a great feeling that this little bean was here to stay, I just never get over that fear, or the feeling of being a failure (which I've felt like twice already)...going the bathroom was stressful...watching as I peed for any chance of blood (how both miscarriages started), extra wiping to make sure, etc.

It was hard not tell anyone... of course, Chris doesn't know it but I did cave and told my sister immediately. I couldn't not tell her. We finally told our families at 8 weeks because I was sick and few people were starting to put two-&-two together. 

But seeing the little baby on Monday at the ultrasound.... just expanded my heart once again. I almost forgot the feeling you have the first time you see the baby. I think it's help me connect with the baby even more. Not that I didn't already love the baby but I was just trying to not get emotionally attached (if it's even possible) just in case the worse would happen to us again. I'm so excited and happy...and lovin' the fact that Piper kind understands but doesn't and the little things she says. I'm happy and not surprises that everyone else is happy for us but I think it's some great news to get right before the Holidays. I don't think it hurts to have an little extra happiness this time of year.

Can't wait for my doctors appointment next Tuesday, and hopefully get to hear the strong heartbeat once again!

and for my sister who is casually bringing up that she wants me to name the the baby after her she can keep wishing because I doubt it will happen. Even though Lane, is on our long list of names, I'm not sure I'm lovin' and if this baby happens to be another girl. I've already said that it will have the middle name Francine after Chris' mom, It's only fair, Pipers middle name is Colleen after my mother....and plus if it is a girl, it will be Francine second and probably last grand-daughter.